The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
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