last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
