and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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