If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
