I can tuck mytits in my pants
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
