Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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