I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
