i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
