Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
