So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
