Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
