Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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