i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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