Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
