she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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