I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
