he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
ttyl tear gas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
