what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Pants are for mortals
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
