i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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