Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
