Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
