I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
