I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
