listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
