Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
