Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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