I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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