she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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