my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
