She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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