Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
