my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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