It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
