I cockslap morals
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
