You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
