I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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