i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
