You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
