i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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