I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
