I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize