life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
