Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
