I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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