i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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