I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
