areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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