I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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