I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
