Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
