Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
