I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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